2023 has been a remarkable and transformative year for me. Whether that is because I turned 26 after a numbing and isolated quarter-life crisis, or if it’s due a conscious effort, on my part, to acknowledge the positive things happening to and around me, I don’t know. After my birthday earlier this year, I spent the next few months investing in habits that would enrich me- reading, resting, running, embracing social moments ~aka saying yes more often, drowning in music, enjoying date nights, reveling in laughter, exercising– and working hard at them to see how they would make me feel. As someone with a history of depression, it’s become increasingly crucial to cultivate habits that reinforce positivity and craft a mental haven where I feel safe to exist in. 2023 has been that year. I experienced some growing pains as is germane to any transformative period, but I have established a level of growth that I can’t wait to build on sustainably.

You Don’t Need A New Year’s Resolution

The good news is you don’t need a New Year’s resolution (or a planner you won’t look at by March, sorry🫣), you need consistency. The bad news is, everything (most things?) is hard, it’s a matter of what you think is a priority to you and worth the effort. This has been my mental framework regarding things that I tried especially those that were new or unfamiliar. The goal has been to deliberately stretch the capacity of my tolerance, while maintaining an uncompromising level of self-compassion because for me, every decision has to be rooted in self-love for it to feel rewarding.

I explored new hobbies and habits and dropped others faster than I picked them. I tried those that I was especially nervous to be bad/fail at- doing my own wigs, delving into system design, responding to texts within reasonable time as they came in (I know), strength training, running at 9mpm, reading often and much more. I realized that anything can be learned. Everything is a muscle. Those growing pains slowly morph into a strong mental state which gives you the level of can-do-anything audacity that you need to thrive in what you want to do- believe me.

My favorite quote has been “neurons that fire together, wire together” and nothing is truer. I treated every habit like a muscle and consistently worked on it and saw growth!

All possibilities require regular reinvention.

The key is to focus on the foundations and build consistency around those foundations through regular practice. In my world, having a strong foundation is everything: poor physical form while lifting lower-weighted dumbbells increases chances of injury when you go heavier, poor choice of variables for a basic coding program might affect the broader system in some way, poor breathing or foot placement while jogging means you might get injured when running faster. I’ve taken time to understand the details of the things I am involved in and perfected my expertise at that level before building on it.

A deep understanding of the foundations also gives you more self-confidence and trust in your skills. Great foundations coupled with consistency breed growth. Moreover, the beauty about consistency is that every new day can be a start of a ‘new year’, you don’t have to wait for the annual calendar marker to make changes in your life. You can restart at any point while falling back on your in-depth understanding of the foundations that you built as the blueprint.

Feed The Right Muscles

Unfortunately, bad behavior can also be learned. If we keep the theory running, bad habits are equally a muscle. These are the things you tolerate that don’t add much value to you life- poor dating habits you put up with, time off that you are adamant to take and rest, letting yourself down on the smaller things with no self-reflection. The wear and tear bad relationships and habits put on you is incomparable especially in the long-term. I have personally struggled through some major creative depression, I call it my draft era✨. I did not share much of what I wrote and criticized each piece harder than the last. The ended up doubting my ability to write and the cycle has kept me stuck as a creative with old ideas I wish I shared and new ideas that I won’t develop. It’s an ugly scene, but you get the point.

Sometimes you will have to brute force through the tough days, but do it nonetheless, it’s worth it I promise. Some days a win looks like getting out of bed and opening the windows, other days it is running a marathon, nailing a presentation and FaceTiming mom. Your growth journey doesn’t have to be a novel, it can be a book of stories. Embrace each page turn as it comes and keep your overall goal in mind. This approach creates a life with sustainable changes and agreeable symmetry.

Beloved, Rest

Getting your life together and turning it into something you appreciate is not easy. However, having a dose of health perfectionism and intent for your craft, showing yourself a lot of grace, resting and appreciating where you are does a lot to boost your psyche. I’m still learning how to use chopsticks elegantly haha, to share my pile of drafts, to communicate my needs with people who care for me more openly, and oh, how to drive. Nothing is airtight, in fact, I still struggle even with the things I enjoy like running. November and December were particularly difficult but getting back to my routine has brought back some semblance of joy into my life. The validity of how positive my habits are has only been reinforced by my frequency to do them.

At the end of the day, voluntary discomfort might not give you a perfect life, but it will help you find the joy in everyday and that’s all that most of us want. A unique sense of gratitude in your efforts into the things that bring meaning into your life and that of those around you.