I’ve had plenty of friends at every stage in my life. Friendship for me has been one of the pillars of my personal and social life. I have laughed and cried with my friends. I have fought with some of them too and made up of course. Nonetheless, the relationships are always enriching to a good degree. I have also lost some of my friends and taken breaks with others. Some friendships have died of natural causes such as geographical separation for years paired with little to no contact from either one of us. Others have been because of disagreements or one of us being the bad guy. Here are my top three lessons on how to handle it:

Be Graceful About it

I am of the opinion that secrets, memories, and tête-à-têtes shared privately between two friends should be taken to the grave. The end of a friendship, especially one marred with fights and drama can easily push us to be vengeful to spill the beans. Don’t.

Some people like closure. A final conversation to understand why each person can no longer continue with the friendship. Others simply cut off. I’ve been on both ends. My advice is to be graceful about it. Don’t hurt each other. You may say words in the moment that you can come to regret later. Take a step back and even walk away if need be. The friendship meant something and the loss of it is painful. Don’t take it further by hurting each other.

It’s okay. Don’t Feel Guilty About It

If you cared about someone, it’s impossible not to beat yourself about it. And that’s okay.

It’s okay to mourn the friendship. It’s okay to miss them. It’s okay that circumstances might not allow you to be together if you are physically separated. It’s okay that you chose to walk away if it was toxic. Don’t feel guilty about it.

I remember struggling to keep in touch with my friends after graduation. There was a global pandemic, we had no graduation, I had pending migration issues at the time and I bet my friends were also going through their own issues. I fell off with some and unfortunately, it has been harder to get back together. The same thing happened when I moved to the US. for college. But it’s okay. I try not to beat myself up about losing friends anymore, naturally or otherwise. Cherishing the people in your life when they are there is key.

Remain Open To New Friendships

Making new friends for me is always tough because it means forming new relationships. In essence, this means renewed vulnerability, increased effort, and rebuilt trust. Nonetheless, I try and I make time and room for new people in my life. You will meet a lot of people in your life. It is a great idea to remain open to whoever comes, you might be surprised!