My 20s have been a joy to experience. I’ve had overwhelmingly sweet moments and not-so-easy times, but they’ve all shaped me into the woman I am today. As I reflect on my growth and evolution from my early 20s to now, I’m struck, at 27, by the immense growth and maturity that I have acquired in such a short time. I feel like I’ve lived at least 10 lives in a span of 5.
Frankly speaking, every part of growth, except the end, sucks. Plain and simple. The sacrifices are tough. The work is hard. The unknowns are daunting. But the reward is remarkable, and that’s what I keep my mind focused on—the life I want to have, the businesses I plan to run, and the circle I work to keep (which has been the most comforting part of all).
I’m sharing a glimpse into the woman I’m becoming as I strive to live with more intention for the rest of my 20s. This piece is dedicated to my growth love, money and general life perspective, and how grounded and authentic I want to feel as I get older. Over the last year, I’ve spent countless hours reading, listening to, and learning from older women—their joys, regrets, shelved dreams, families, heartbreaks, wealth journey and menopausal hot flashes. How they catered to everyone but themselves, only to finally learn how to say no and let people down at 40 and beyond. In all honesty, I originally wanted to title this piece Living Like I’m 40 as an accountability effort to myself because their stories have deeply influenced my perspective on growth and authenticity.
In this piece, I explore the transformative lessons of my 20s—how love, money, and shifting perspectives have shaped my journey toward living with intention, authenticity, and joy. By reflecting on my growth and learning from the wisdom of other women, I hope to inspire others to embrace their own unique paths while finding solace in our shared pursuit of becoming our best selves.
G R O W T H & P E R S P E C T I V E
Learning to trust myself
I’ve always been a big fan of spending time alone. Solo time quiets out a lot of inapparent noise- the external expectations, the unsolicited advice, the constant buzz of other people’s opinions.
I’ve spent the last two years relearning to trust myself, my path in life, my creative ideas and my big girl decisions. One of the most significant steps in this journey has been reclaiming my passions. I’ve recently restarted photography and taking solo trips. And writing ha! These activities have become my anchors, reminding me of who I am and what I love. Through them, I’ve rediscovered a clarity I hadn’t felt in years. I now know exactly how I want to give back to the world, and I can own that vision with a conviction I never had before.
In my early to mid-20s, I often outsourced my decisions. I invited ideas of who I should be from everyone else, while avoiding sole custody of any of my major life choices.
Taking ownership of all my decisions- large & small– has been one of my greatest confidence boosters. I feel deeply in control of every trajectory of my life and that is a sense of empowerment I wish for every woman. I am also aware of my shortcomings, and I can be most truthful about them- to myself and others.
My early 20s involved convening friends and family prior to decision-making, but now it’s more so to inform them and hope that they trust and support me. While their perspectives are and will always be valuable, I’ve learned to treat advice as a guide, not a rulebook.
Ownership builds accountability and accountability breeds confidence. You do that long enough to realize that you have all the answers that you’re looking for.
Change vs action
I spent my early 20s complaining. A lot. I’m lucky and grateful to have had people who listened and did not judge. I complained about my job, my body, my friendships—anything that felt like it was falling short. In retrospect, I think I lacked the confidence to make decisive changes. I didn’t feel in control, and that sense of helplessness left me stuck in a cycle of frustration.
Today, if I can’t change something, I adjust my perspective around it or focus on the tiniest next best course of action. My engineering perspective comes into play. I try to break big problems down to smaller achievable goals with lower resource demands and remember that growth compounds and everything is a muscle.
A lot of how I feel about change and action has to do with wanting to live life on my own terms. I always want to have options and freedom as I go about life. Whether it’s to quit or stay at a job, grow in or leave a relationship or travel.
I don’t think I have complained about much for close to a year now. My life might never be perfect, but my perspective sure can be. This has also alleviated anxieties around things that I cannot control. Letting go of the need to control everything has been incredibly freeing. As Mel Robbins says, “Let them.” And so, I do.
L O V E & F I N A N C E S
Money
Money has always been a big part of my journey- how to earn it, how to save it and account for it, how to invest it. Nothing’s changed, in fact, I’ve become more aware of how great a tool it is to personal freedom. Financial power is one of the more attainable forms of empowerment that a lot of women will come to in their lifetime. While positional and social power bond us with our communities (and are second to nature for women), financial power allows us to invest in ourselves and others. It gives us the freedom to take risks, pursue dreams, and navigate life’s uncertainties with confidence.
Financial security can give you the freedom to travel, quit a job, take a sabbatical, freely support friends and family, invest in hobbies, leave a relationship and so much more. I have mental clarity to dream. I’m able to plan my future with a safety net that I did not have when I was young.
In my early 20s, I didn’t fully grasp how much financial stability would shape my audacity for life. Moving to NYC forced me to take my finances seriously, and I’m grateful for that push. The city is costly, but it taught me the value of planning and discipline.
Back then, my focus was on saving for growth. While that is crucial, I’d argue now that it is more important to increase and diversify your sources of income to fortify how much of a financial cushion you have. Your late 20s and 30s should be less about penny-pinching and more about higher pay and multiple streams of income. Diversification ensures you have a safety net if one stream dries up. Financial instability can leave you vulnerable in ways you never expected. Get your money in order. Start small, grow steadily, and remember: the freedom that money affords you is unparalleled.
It’s not just about having money—it’s about the peace of mind that comes with it.
Love
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about love—both romantic and platonic—it’s that it requires courage, vulnerability, and a deep commitment to growth. Unfortunately, I don’t have all the answers on this one. I don’t think I’m as courageous with love as I’d want to be.
Love has brought me some of the most profound joy and growth in my life. My best advice? Pour into yourself and those around you. Remember that you are deserving of love, so seek out relationships where you feel valued and appreciated. Embrace love through action, care and consideration.
Learn how to handle grief too because the deeper your capacity for love, the greater the potential for loss and magnitude of grief felt. Whether it’s a job loss, death, end of a friendship or relationship, money & opportunities, the potential for grief is there in equal measure. Learning to navigate grief is just as important as learning to love. It’s a reminder that love, in all its beauty, is also fragile and fleeting.
Conflict is also inevitable. Learn how to communicate through conflict with love and kindness. We are all human. No one is a bottomless pit of grace, unconditional love, care and resources- no matter how well-intentioned they or wee might be. Be graceful and patient with others, but also with yourself.
Love starts with you. In my early 20s I was the usual cocktail of people pleasing, poor communication and minimal boundaries. I quickly realized that I’ll be a shell of myself by my 30s unless something changes.
The best kind of armor you can give yourself is loving yourself fiercely every day.
F U T U R E – P R O O F I N G
Giving to myself first. Everyday. Always
Over the past year, my biggest rule has been simple yet transformative: give to myself first, every day, without exception. I have aggressively centered myself, a shift that hasn’t been easy. In the past, I’d mentally problem-solve for everyone and everything before addressing my own needs. These days, I intentionally prioritize myself from the moment I wake up. Whether it’s journaling, a 20-minute meditation, or a workout before answering texts, I’ve learned to carve out time for me. I’ve also become more selective about my commitments, saying no to late-night events to prioritize rest and saying yes only to what aligns with my intentions.
In my early 20s, I said yes to almost everything—new experiences, fresh faces, and endless opportunities. I don’t regret any of it, but I’ve since realized that intentionality is key. By focusing on how I feel and the purpose behind my actions, I’ve cultivated a deeper sense of gratitude for the life I’m building. Giving to myself first isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. It’s how I ensure I have the energy and clarity to show up fully for others. This has increased my level of gratitude around my actions and commitments.
Mold Yourself
Don’t be a personality sponge. Learn what you like, how you like it and why you like it. Dream for more. I genuinely didn’t realize how much of a privilege it is to dream. To want things. To envision them possible. I was in survival mode in my early 20s. I’m the youngest only girl but I had taken up a pseudo-eldest daughter position which meant thinking and worrying about everyone else before myself. Redefining my relationship with my family and the kind of daughter/sister I want to be going forward has been healthier for me and them.
Looking ahead, I’m excited about the future I’m building. I’ve created a bucket list of things I want to accomplish before I turn 30, and it’s given me a sense of direction and purpose. My career in tech continues to fulfill me, but I’ve also made space for joy, creativity, and self-discovery. I have been in the tech data space for over 4 years now and I finally started a program in AI Policy which is something I was always curious about.
As I look ahead to the upcoming chapters of my life, I’m reminded that joy, self-love, and authenticity are the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and the world. Never stop chasing them and never forget that you are worthy of the life you dream of. Never stop wanting things. And never forget that you are beautiful, worthy, and capable of creating the life you dream of.
